What the Halo?

Steven Spielberg has announced his interest in bringing the Halo video game to the big screen. Himself. As in direct it. HE would be in charge, not just producing, but actually making this one. Himself.

Spielberg’s last three science fiction action movies were the War of the Worlds remake, Minority Report, and A.I. And those movies have conveyed in unequivocal terms that Spielberg can’t direct Sci Fi any more. And that’s what Halo would and will be, absolutely.

The game is a sci fi shooter, you playing as this faceless Master Chief character, shooting aliens and saving the world. All good things, but things which in Spielberg’s hands could prove disastrous.

The screenwriter would be the same man responsible for the adaptations of Pirates of the Caribbean, a ride at Disneyland, and G. I. Joe, a toy line from Hasbro, into films. And those turned out just fine right? Well, they made the money.

The video about it is here.

Side Rant: I just found out Spielberg is ALSO directing a U.S. version of the Asian cult film Old Boy.  Old Boy? Can this even be real? With Will Smith? Whaaaaat?

Spielberg’s going to try to stand up to a movie that will go so far as to show a man eating a live octopus on camera? You’re going to fuck with that Steve? I don’t think so. Step away from these properties Spielberg, go back to making your creme de la creme Tom Hanks heart warmers and WWII memorials. It’s comfy over there. See? So comfy.

Back to Halo, the game is one of the most popular franchises in the world. It being made into a film was and is only a matter of time. Actually, a Halo movie already was in the works, but that fell through for some reason, and now those film makers- Peter Jackson and Neil Blomkamp- have made this.

I am going to see District 9 on Tuesday ish, I do have a life people, so don’t tell me anything about it yet. Not one word. I can’t wait to see it. I’m even avoiding all my favorite internet reviewers so there’ll be NO SPOILERS.

Basically, District 9 looks like it will be the best sci film to come out this or any other recent year. Can you imagine if Halo looked that real? That cool? It’d be a game changer in the way video games are made into movies.

Look at the wave of recent comic book movies. Do you remember when comics were getting the crappy treatment by the studios? Now you have this surge riding the backs of really great comic films like The Dark Knight (or even Batman Begins, which is actually responsible for the surge to begin with) and good films like Iron Man, Hellboy blah blah blah.

But Halo could have been the Batman Begins of video game movies. It could have ushered in a new era where these properties are taken seriously. Then we wouldn’t be stuck with some of the worst adaptations of all time.

And now, at last, we must ask why. Why do these movies get made? I offer, as my answer, this parting thought. I offer Uwe Boll. The man who stands for all that is soulless and wrong in the film industry. The man who can only get compliments from douche bags of equal proportions on Fox News. The man who lives life by one word: money.

That’ll do Uwe, that’ll do.




Filed under Gamer

3 responses to “What the Halo?

  1. Dude. I am finally a convert to believe you are in fact nothing the Braff. Instead you are a truth spitter who is full of… ahem… spit.
    Oh and District 9…. So Beyond Awesome…

    • Charlie

      Thank you Chad, that’s all I ever wanted to hear. Sniff, sniff, excuse me, I have something in my eye.

      Can’t wait to See District 9. In fact, I won’t wait to see it. I’m ditching Annie and her mom tonight if I have to.

  2. Nate

    Ha! I laughed when I saw the Resident Evil posters, I won’t argue that they aren’t exactly gold but I have enjoyed all of them.

    Steven Spielberg needs to go ————- and stop trying to ruin things out of his league or beyond his directing (subpar) skills. Btw, I thought he was trying to do Oldboy with Leo DiCaprio, so is Will Smith now? Forget the octopus, the fucked up twist at the end is something America would never be able to stomach; they need to leave this masterpiece alone.

    Oh and District 9 rocks! Seen it twice.

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