Actually, what isn’t wrong with any part of this movie? I feel it is my duty to officially call bullshit on this upcoming Dragonball movie. This, like the American made Speed Racer before it and Astro Boy after, is what’s wrong with movies today. Who keeps thinking up this stuff?
First off, I did partake in my fair share of Dragonball, and Dragonball Z growing up. It was on, I watched, I moved on. It had great anime style, whacked out characters, and a never ending supply of “WHHAAAAUUUGGHHH” type yelling to brighten any child’s mid after school doldrums. But ultimately I forgot about it. So I really had not taken any interest in this movie until watching a trailer today. And then it hit me, like a fireball courtesy of Vegeta himself; this is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen (and i have seen many a dumb thing).
A brief list of complaints:
Goku looks terrible! The kid from War of the Worlds? Why? Did anyone watch the Japanese show before casting?
Lord Piccolo looks worse! Fucking Spike from Buffy? You know I hate that. This movie is boiling my blood. What else you got?
Chow Yun-Fat? Stop it. Stop it right now movie. I swear, I’ll scream. I’ll scream so loud they’ll think you’re killing me. Stop it! I have pepper spray!
This is hands down the worst casting I have seen since Southland Tales. Plus, it looks like they screwed everything up about the characters, settings, plot. Everything.
But the one aspect of this movie that first caught my eye was just in the name. We are talking about a movie, the first in a series presumably, and they have titled it:
Quite simply movie, you can NOT do this. It is against the rules. I’d say illegal. You can’t have the first movie of any series or any original film with a title like “Evolution”. You can’t do it.
At best this title belongs to a crappy movie sequel. Or even video game sequel. Or even a concert film. Yea, I’d even OK it in a concert about a well respected and well established musical performer.
There is only one movie that gets to have the word “Evolution” in it’s title. And that’s the movie Evolution! And even then I’m mostly against it.
Dear Dragonball producers/directors/execs, you have not only declared yourselves incompetent as filmmakers, but incompetent just as film watchers.
We need to be able to punish these people. And I know I haven’t seen it and blah, blah, but if it looks like shit, smells like shit, and leaves a stain on your moral undies . . . Please do not see this poor excuse of a film. It doesn’t care about you, the audience, don’t you care about it. And while I’m still hedging my bets on Astro Boy, I can already tell you the proposed Akira will be inciting a similar rant from me in a year from now.
There’s kids starving in Africa, movie. And this is the best you and your million dollar budget could do? Damn you, Dragonball Evolution. Damn you. These people would have made a better movie than you. Seriously.