Potty Humor

Ever wonder why scientists have yet to cure cancer? Or save the spotted gecko? Or figure out this whole global warming thing already? Well, maybe it’s because our brightest minds are usually too busy coming up with new and innovative solutions to mankind’s most daunting, most desperate foe. Our bladders.

 First off, the bladder is mankind’s most dubious, spontaneous, malicious of areas. Without warning the bladder can and will try to destroy a perfectly good car ride, movie, concert, or even golf match. Well now it’s the bladder who’s been matched by the inventive power of mankind’s most wasted of areas. The brain.

There is an actual condition around called urinary incontinence. Apparently thre are several strains of incontinenece. Something to look forward to.

Well, this is a very real and very gross problem facing many of us. (Not me though. Yikes.) So what to do? Why don’t you just swallow something-hows about this?

But really, we all know that a pill is a ridiculously meager and wimpy way to face this monstrous threat. We need more, more, more! C’mon scientists. Is that the best you got?

Alright. Now we’re getting somewhere here. Yea, let’s take a look. Up your own dick!

Jesus H, that was vivid towards the end. I loved the “well lubricated” prefix to the description of the, um, instrument of insertion. Why why why would you willingly become a urologist? Anything but that. It’s like the uncool version of the gynecologist.

What?

Besides medical science, there has to be more  brilliant minds figuring this out right? For example, I wonder how we ever existed on this Earth before the toilet. It is still, after all these years, the staple by which categorize someone a hillbilly or not in this country. In America, we have some of the most advanced technology driven entirely by the toilet. But some countries are doing us one better.

Come to think of it, these toilets are from Japan and Germany! My God! 

water-war-prop

You can’t fool me! I will NEVER flush again. It’s the patriotic thing to do.

But really we are in a drought in most of the country. What could we do to save on water in the meantime?

It’s like an outhouse in your house. Lovely.

But besides all this exciting toilet invention business, what else is there? Well, sometimes people get so caught up in their own bladder and toilet issues, they forget about the litle guys out there. Our pets. They suffer as much as anyone else. Why, even cats and dogs can have over active cat and dog bladders. Here’s a  well thought out and rational solution for our feline friends that keeps the scooper away. No fuss, no muss.

Animal rights activists are now satisfied, but there’s always one group out there who’s never happy. Women. (Pause for booing coming in around the world) Now those feminists are standing proud and strong. While they pee.

But thats’ crazy you say. A one in a million product. No one else on Earth would ever think of something so ludicrous. And then you see this.

Or this. This one is the best (re: worst)

Ok. That’s it. I don’t care what problems you have, how bad you gotta go, what form of equality you feel you deserve. This wrong. This is unnatural. My oh my. What kind of world do we live in?

I need to get off this subject. It’s too much. Too deep, too complicated for one man. We need, as one world and one voice, to do something better about our ickiness than this. Maybe what we need is a “go anywhere, do anything” kind of attitude. I say let it run free. If other people don’t like it, well that’s their problem, Jack.  It’s a free country. Yea, why not? Let’s recommune with nature. Or at least a small plastic resevoir in the midst of nature. Hence, I bring you The Uro Club.

Take that, over active menace! At last we have outwitted you once and for all. Just don’t ask for the nine iron.

-Charlie

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Potty Humor

  1. Annie

    I think you just convinced me to buy one. Then we can write in the snow together, how romantic.

  2. Annie

    It symbolizes power Charlie, real manly power. I will destroy you.

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