30 Rock: Television’s Best 22 Minute Commercial

I don’t watch much TV these days, in fact I don’t have TV. But I do have the internet, and that means hours of streaming quality programming like Mad Men, Dexter, The Office, and The Colbert Report. But one show I just don’t get into that often is 30 Rock.

I ask myself why I don’t really embrace this show on a daily basis, trust me. It eats at my very essence like a nagging doubt. Why Charlie? What don’t I get? It’s an Emmy Award winning comedy. It has Tiny Fey, Alec Baldwin, and Tracy Morgan. It’s about people whose lives are better and more entertaining than my own. I mean, c’mon. What more does a sitcom need?

Maybe endless McDonald’s ads throughout the episode. Yea. That can only enhance the entertainment.

Give them a statue! Actually, give them a Big Mac.

Let me explain. This is based on my viewing of the Valentine’s Day episode specifically, but it really can be said for the series in general. The show is about a show, and the writers, actors, page’s and moguls who run it. If you need a rundown on things go check out IMDB or something. I don’t have time to explain the ins and outs. Suffice to say Liz (Fey) is the sassy urbanite, Jack (Baldwin) is the villainous boss, Kenneth is the hick from the sticks, and Tracy(Morgan) is the black guy. See what I’m saying-2 dimensional characters at their best. Not even Seinfeld could dumb it down any better.

So we start our Valentine’s Day Episode with Jack the bastard and his current romantic interest, Salma Hayek.

Really? Is she funny or something? Guess how many times her boobs are referenced in the show. It would make for a debilitating drinking game.

And what are our two little love birds doing? Eating McFlurries of course! Because there’s nothing millionaire moguls like better than a tasty treat from McDonald’s.  Now many of you might be saying, so what? What is the problem here? Well, I didn’t even really care until Hayek went into a two minute description of just how deliciouso these McFlurries were.

What are we doing here? We are watching 30 Rock act out a commercial for fucking McDonald’s! That’s what!

People should be in the street protesting this shit. Our favorite shows are being reduced to lame one liners squeezed in between high profile celebrity testimonials for fast food. What is going on here? Let me really lay it out. This is a brief yet accurate transcription of the conversation about McDonald’s.

Jack: These McFlurries are amazing.

Salma Hayek: I know. The soft swirl of vanilla and the hard crunch of candies and cookies. You’d think they would fight each other, but no. They are perfecto. . . .Let a McFlurry be what it is; the world’s greatest desert.

What in God’s name is that dialogue doing in this show? I am slightly offended. Not to mention the McDonald’s bag sitting in the background and both characters basically slurping down their respective McFlurries with hopeless abandon. I actually became ill watching this.

Have you ever had a McFlurry? It’s gross.

Not to also mention that several times throughout the episode the characters of Liz and her romantic interest (Mad Men’s Jon Hamm) are carrying around Netflix envelopes. They talk about all the movies they got, all the movie channels they have, all the magazines they subscribe to. Give me a break!

Is this how TV is going to deal with the fact that no one watches commercials anymore? That everybody DVR’s their favorite shows and fast forwards the bullshit, or just watches it online like me? It has to stop. I want my TV back. Quit hocking your garbage at the screen. Give me something to laugh at.

But wait!

There’s more. Jack and Salma go to church for Valentine’s, since she is very religious. There Jack laments his missed reservation at the poshest restaurant in town and harasses the priest in a confession booth. So Salma tells him how awful he is and tells him to say goodbye to those knockers. Oh boob jokes just get funnier when Hayek tells them.

Then Jack goes to the restaurant alone. He hates it. The great atmosphere, the wonderful food, the pure joy of Valentine’s Day around him is too much. So he heads over to the one place with NO atmosphere at all. Where the sad sacks of the world can rest their weary heads in desperate sadness and swallow their food products in silent torture. He goes to. . .McDonald’s!!

Back at church, Salma gets the collection plate and what’s in it? The most delightful treat any religious institution could get. That which any charitable organization would praise their personal God upon receiving. A coupon from . . McDonald’s!!

The two of them reunite at McShitts where they both order a McFlurry, and (Yay!) all is forgiven. Nothing says love like McDonald’s. Hayek actually says that the coupon was a “sign” presumably from God.  Jack tells her that they were reunited by “the most successful capitalist enterprise of the last hundred years.” And he goes on to compare Ray Kroc (one time McDonald’s CEO) to God.  Now I am all the way offended. By the way, Hayek steals the McDonald’s coupon out of the collection plate. Nice work.

So, yea. There were some good moments between Hamm and Liz. Kenneth the page got to date a blind girl with Tracy as his voice, since Kenneth can’t talk to beautiful blind girls. Hamm’s mom dies only to tell Liz a shocking secret. The blind girl dumps Kenneth, not because he decieved her by using Tracy’s voice, but simply because he WAS’NT HOT ENOUGH! Then basically everything ends without conflict. A typical sitcom wrap up.

Thanks 30 Rock. Now I want a tasty treat. Maybe I’ll go to Burger King.

Now this is how you do Product Placement. . .

Watch it for the great brand name products. Stay for the cowboys vs ninja fight.

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1 Comment

Filed under TV Sucks

One response to “30 Rock: Television’s Best 22 Minute Commercial

  1. Pingback: Salma Hayek » 30 Rock: Television’s Best 22 Minute Commercial

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